My name is Emmanuel. It means “God is with us”. I should always remember that. We should always remember that. I recently read about this guy who took his own life for a too familiar reason. He took his life along the expressway. The one I usually take. The one I would have taken had circumstances been any different (I like to think very much different). It’s sad that he wasn’t able to turn to anyone. I was lucky my family was there. But we should always remember that in those dark times when it seems there is no one there for you, that there is always God.
Went for a long drive yesterday. Somewhere along the way, I decided on a new route (symbolic I guess). I drove and drove until it became vague where I’m going (more symbolism?). I stopped and asked a bystander for directions. He provided some detailed directions. He even offered to accompany me. Thanks but no thanks, I said and drove off. Again, I drove and drove until it became even more vague where I’m going (and even more). I checked Google Maps. There was no signal. I ended up retracing my route back to the old familiar way. Yes, there are times when we ask for directions and yet we remain lost, or worse, even more lost. And so we end up not liking asking for directions. But there are times, when we do need direction, guidance. We should know when and who to turn to: friends, family, God. They will help us find our way.
She stood by the door smiling. “Hello, dad!” she said. “Come in, dad!” she said. I never felt more welcome.
It was not a good year. In the closing days, I hurt Michelle. As a result, she and Jeanne went away. I’m not proud of what I’ve done. I’m only writing about it out of remorse. And as a constant reminder not to do it again.
When I realized what I’ve done, I was shocked and stunned. I instantly and afterwards wished I could take it back. But the more I thought of it, the more guilt tore me up. I wept uncontrollably. I was depressed.
I know she feels worse. Hurting her was the worst thing I’ve ever done. But it was probably the worst thing that ever happened to her. More than the pain, the betrayal of trust. It was wrong. And I’m truly sorry.
But I’m grateful for my family. They didn’t hold back in telling me that I’m wrong. But at the same time, they were there for me during the darkest hours, trying to assuage my guilt, providing advice, and just being there. They made my new year’s eve less dark. I don’t deserve their understanding and support. And that is why I’m doubly thankful.
As the new year starts, I hope and pray that it will be a happier one for everyone: For Michelle, for Jeanne, for family, for friends… May this coming year be a new beginning however God wills it.